A Blond, a Mage, a One-Eyed Samurai, and a YouTube Video
by Murayama-Tsuru
Summary: What might happen if the some of the Kiheitai watched a YouTube video...maybe...


**Hello again or for the first time, Murayama Tsuru here. I bring to you a slightly silly oneshot. The idea for this came from the same video that my last oneshot came from. I hope it makes you guys laugh ^_^. Without further introduction, here it is.**

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Gintama; it's the property of Sorachi Hideaki-Sensei. I also don't own the video this story is slightly based off of; it belongs to some person on the internet! And the song at the beginning of this story is definitely not mine; it's a little creepy, as you will see from my rough translation…**_

_Boku ga suki na no wa kodomo(_What I like are kids)_, Mama wa dame yo to sugaru kedo(_Even though mama says it's not right)_, boin no Kimi de wa unsatisfied(_that bounce of yours just leaves me unsatisfied), _itaike na kodomo ga suki(_what I like are innocent kids)_, ke mo hae sorowanai(_their hair and growth are not yet fully grown)_, amai nioi ga suru(_and they have a sweet smell)_, Lo-li-i-ta Boku wa Lolicon(_Lo-li-i-ta I am a Lolicon)_, Lo-li-i-ta Boku wa abunai onii-san(_Lo-li-i-ta I am a dangerous big brother)_, juku made(_until cram school)_…_

As the music faded, Kijima Matako pushed the pause button and looked up, smiling wickedly, at her fellow Kiheitai member, Takechi Hanpeita, "So, what do you think, Sempai?"

Takechi looked mildly disgusted at the video he just watched, "Matako-san, where do you find these things?"

Matako shrugged, "I dunno, I just found it on YouTube sometime. Don't you think this song fits you well, Sempai?"

Takechi Tch'ed, "How many times do I have to tell you, Matako-san, I'm a feminist, not a Lolicon."

Matako's grin widened, "Whatever you say, Sempai. I think this song fits you to a T."

Takechi scowled and rolled his eyes, "Just play the damn video, Matako-san."

Approximately five minutes later, the video ended and Takechi asked, "Matako-san, why did you show me this?"

"To annoy you with the first part," Matako grinned at her comrade's annoyed scowl, "and because it's a one of the rare opportunities to see Shinsuke-sama as a child. He was sooo cute!"

Takechi's eyebrow rose, "But the video wasn't about Shinsuke-san at all. It was about his former comrade, Katsura Kotaro."

"Oh, was it?" Matako asked, mildly surprised, "I didn't notice. All I could see was Shinsuke-sama as an adorable little kid. Why don't we show this video to him?"

Takechi sighed, "Matako-san, please don't involve me in your obsession with our boss. Also, I really doubt he'd want to see this video. He doesn't exactly get along with his former comrades, does he. So why would he want to see a video about them?"

Matako's eyes narrowed in annoyance, "So what? Maybe Shinsuke-sama would like to see how his fans are portraying him and his teacher."

"I don't think he really cares about his fans. You remember the popularity poll chapters? Even though Shinsuke-san got fourth, he didn't show up…well, neither did we, but still…"

Matako huffed, "That's only because we were busy in space at the time of those chapters. I'm sure he would have shown up and participated in the popularity battle if he could have. Besides, I'm sure he'd enjoy this video!"

"And I'm sure he wouldn't. Let's not incur Shinsuke's famous wrath if it can be easily avoided."

In anger, Matako stood up from her seat and glared at her comrade and Takechi glared right back at her. The air between them crackled as their staring contest heated up. Eventually, something burst and the two of them began shouting at each other. The only discernible words were "video", "Shinsuke" and "show".

Because the two were arguing with each other so vocally, they were definitely not paying attention to the people who might want to enter the Kiheitai computer room. So it wasn't until their boss, Takasugi Shinsuke, sat down at the computer in the seat Matako was occupying earlier, did their argument lose its steam.

The one-eyed Samurai looked at the computer and then at his two subordinates in turn, his one green eye boring into their souls telling them to shut the hell up if they wanted to keep their jobs in the Kiheitai with their vocal cords intact. But aloud, Shinsuke said in a coldly calm voice, "Takechi, Matako, what is this video I could hear you two arguing about from across the ship, in my room?"

Matako winced at Shinsuke's tone and suddenly found herself agreeing with Takechi that showing Shinsuke the video was probably a very bad idea at the moment. Both she and Takechi stayed silent, not wanting to be the first one to piss off Shinsuke.

At the apparent silent treatment his subordinates were giving him, Shinsuke arched an imperious eyebrow and asked again, "What is this video that you seem so eager to keep silent about now? What happened to all the exuberance from before?"

It was like a switch had suddenly been turned on, the two began hurriedly recounting what they had just watched, clearly hoping to keep Shinsuke relatively happy; both now agreeing that whether or not they wanted Shinsuke to watch the video, he was certainly going to watch it now.

After hearing their hurried, not very coherent explanation, Shinsuke said, "Well that was…clear. I guess I'll just have to watch it then, won't I?"

There was a short pause and then, "Where do you two think you're going? Don't you want to watch this with me?" Both Matako's and Takechi's shoulders tensed as they were caught trying to sneak out of the room. Clearly regretting watching the video now, the two trudged back to their boss's side as he clicked the replay button, _Boku ga suki na no wa…_

48 seconds later, Shinsuke clicked the pause button. He then looked up at Takechi, the expression on his face a mix of disgust and maybe just a little bit of concern for the Lolicon/feminist comrade of his.

"Takechi," Shinsuke paused and took a breath, looking to find the words to express what he just saw, "I think…there are some things we need to discuss."

Takechi raised his hands in defense, "But Shinsuke, I wasn't the one who made the video—"

"Even so," Shinsuke interrupted, his gaze growing cold, "Come with me. There are things we really need to talk about."

At that, Matako could barely suppress the very unladylike snort that was threatening its way out of her lips. Her sempai then threw her an annoyed glare as he left the room with Shinsuke. When they were gone, Matako logged in to her e-mail. She then wrote a quick message that said:

_Bansai-Sempai, you won the bet. I showed Takechi the video you sent me and then we argued about whether or not to show it to Shinsuke-sama. As you predicted, when Shinsuke-sama saw the video, he dragged Takechi-sempai out of the room for a 'talk'. Now, hopefully we won't be hearing about Sempai's obsession for a long time._

She then logged out of her email and turned off her computer, smiling. Maybe she'd lost some money, but it had been completely worth it to her.

**And that ends this silly story. This idea came to me yesterday in the shower. I didn't really feel like writing it yesterday, so during the ads in the NCIS, NCIS: LA and Las Vegas TV shows, I wrote this. Even though the characters are all probably a little out of character, I hope it made you laugh. And if you want to see the video I referenced, got to YouTube and paste this,****【手書き金魂】マ****/****ニ****/****フ****_****ェス****_****ト,**** into the search box****, it should be the first entry. As always, if you liked this story, please review, I love to hear what you guys think. Well, see you again next time.**

**-Murayama Tsuru**


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